Thoughts About the Future

So remember that post that I wrote about how I miss photography and writing? Remember how I said that I used to write as a way to figure out my emotions? Well it’s about 5 minutes after I posted that, and I’m feeling like I need to figure out my emotions right now. I feel like my life for the past year has been full of so much change. The whole university thing, moving to Toronto, living by myself, getting a job, everything. And I’ve just been going with the flow, adapting to the changes like I usually do, not really noticing. But going back through my old flickr and thinking about where I was in my life all those years ago has really made me think about who I’ve become and how different my life is now. It’s a little scary.

For the past little while, whenever I think about my future, I can see two very different futures, in both of which I’d be happy. The first is a life where I’m a model, or a blogger, or a youtuber, who has a big online presence and does glamorous things and travels all over the world. In this life I live in a cute little studio apartment in Toronto or London, with a cat, and I wear makeup and do my hair most days and overall look cute. In this life I work hard, but I love my work, and my work inspires and challenges me. In this life I go shopping and drink starbucks and wear heels and have a lot of twitter followers. In this life I am happy.

And then the second possible future, which is oh so very different. In this future I am a fiction writer, and spend my days curled up at my computer, putting all of these story ideas in my head onto paper. In this life I live on a farm with horses and cats and a husband who loves me very much. In this life I enjoy visiting the city and drinking starbucks but prefer being outside in nature and not relying on materialistic things to make me happy. In this life I read books instead of going on social media, and maybe I still have my blog, but I don’t care about follower counts or site views. In this life I travel to visit historical places that interest me, and I don’t try hard to look good on most days. In this life I am happy.

See? Two very different futures, two very different Simones. But when I think of those futures, they’re still far away from the present. And until tonight, my idea of the near future was just one future. In this near future, I finish my summer job in mid-August, and fly off to the UK in mid-September. In this life I decide to give YouTube a try, and I vlog my trip to the UK. In this life I make videos and write blog posts and share all of my life experiences online. In this life I live and work in the UK for some time, trying out a few different jobs and travelling and learning about myself. In this life I am happy.

But then tonight, something happened that made me not want this future anymore. I don’t know what or how or why anything that has happened today has brought about this change, but I don’t like it and I don’t know if it is going to stay. I just feel like suddenly I don’t care about making youtube videos or being famous on the internet or being a vlogger or anything. I just want to get back into writing and photography and somehow those two things are related? Maybe I’m just freaking out about change and would rather fall back on the familiar mediums of words and pictures rather than delving into the unknown world of video. But maybe this is my brain’s way of saying ‘don’t let these outside influences tell you what you should do. listen to yourself and your passions’. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow more confused than ever.

I think I liked it better when I didn’t have feelings that I need to write down to figure out.

I’m going to schedule this post for a week from now, because I just posted that other post 15 minutes ago, and just in case I decide that I don’t want to post this.

XO Simytoe

I miss writing and photography

So, I’ve just spent the past half hour or so going through my old flickr account, looking at all of the pictures I posted there and reading the descriptions. This was an account that I used from late 2010 to 2012, so it’s been a while. It’s crazy to think back to all of the things that I was going through at that time in my life, and how much has changed since then. The stuff that I wrote there were so deep and honest and I’m honestly so surprised that I posted it on the internet. Flash forward to now, when I write about beauty products and cute outfits. I don’t want to say that I’ve backtracked, or become worse or anything, but I think that I do miss writing about my feelings like I used to.

In the past few years I’ve been too busy with school/sports/friends/life that I guess I’ve kind of stopped writing and taking pictures as much. Although maybe it’s more truthful to say that I’ve replaced diary-like writing with school papers and tweets, and I’ve replaced photoshoots with selfies. But going through my flickr has made me really miss doing those things. I used to love going around my house and just taking pictures of flowers and cats and anything that caught my eye. Then I began playing with the self-timer function on my camera, and doing photoshoots with myself at home. Then I began doing photoshoots where I would plan an outfit and a setting and spend a few hours getting the right shot. Then I just kind of stopped. My camera stopped working so well, and the batteries died really quickly. Photography became a chore rather than a hobby.

And writing? I guess I’ve never really stopped writing, I’ve just gone through different writing phases in my life. In middle school I tried my hand at fiction and forum based roleplaying. In early highschool I wrote deep things on my flickr pictures. In later highschool I wrote essays and poems, I did NaNoWriMo, and the deep things that I wrote never made it to the internet. And for the last year, I’ve had this blog. I’ve let myself fall into the habit of not writing anything deep or meaningful. Or maybe I’ve just been a lot happier, and haven’t had the need to figure out my emotions by writing them down. Who knows.

But I think now that I have my new camera, and now that I’m going to push myself to write more candid, deep, honest blog posts on here, things will change. Here’s to hoping.

I’m not going to link my flickr account, as I think some of those pictures & writing would be better off forgotten, but instead I’ll post some pictures that I’ve taken over the years.

One of the hundreds of pictures that I took of flowers/nature around my house. Taken on June 21, 2009

One of the hundreds of pictures that I took of flowers/nature around my house. Taken on June 21, 2009

A little mirror shot taken at my friend's cottage on July 10th, 2009

A little mirror shot taken at my friend’s cottage on July 10th, 2009

My old cat, Simba. Taken July 20, 2009

My old cat, Simba. Taken July 20, 2009

I also had a thing with taking pictures of my eyes... Taken on January 2nd, 2010

I also had a thing with taking pictures of my eyes… Taken on January 2nd, 2010

Taken on November 6th, 2010, after I had spent the day painting my friend's room with her.

Taken on November 6th, 2010, after I had spent the day painting my friend’s room with her.

From my first real 'photoshoot' where I got all dressed up and everything. To this day, this photoshoot is one of the best I've ever done, and there are so many pictures from that day that I really like. Taken on April 1st, 2011.

From my first real ‘photoshoot’ where I got all dressed up and everything. To this day, this photoshoot is one of the best I’ve ever done, and there are so many pictures from that day that I really like. Taken on April 1st, 2011.

From my second real photoshoot, inspired by Kesha's 'We R Who We R'.  Taken April 8th, 2011.

From my second real photoshoot, inspired by Kesha’s ‘We R Who We R’. Taken April 8th, 2011.

For a picture on flickr about my 6 favourite outfits at the time. Taken on June 7th 2011.

For a picture on flickr about my 6 favourite outfits at the time. Taken on June 7th 2011.

This was a photoshoot where I was randomly inspired by cotton candy and decided to hop on my bike with my camera, and take pictures of myself wearing blue & pink. Taken on September 11th, 2011.

This was a photoshoot where I was randomly inspired by cotton candy and decided to take pictures of myself wearing blue & pink. Taken on September 11th, 2011.

In grade 11 I took a photography class with my best friend and finally got to take pictures of other people. Taken November 16th, 2011.

In grade 11 I took a photography class with my best friend and finally got to take pictures of other people. Taken November 16th, 2011.

Just another photoshoot at my local golf course. Taken March 25th, 2012.

Just another photoshoot at my local golf course. Taken March 25th, 2012.

This is from a cute little photoshoot with my best friend Molly. Taken August 8th, 2012.

This is from a cute little photoshoot with my best friend Molly. Taken August 8th, 2012.

Can you tell that I started to switch from photoshoots by myself to photoshoots with others? This was from a photoshoot with two of my best friends. Taken October 20th, 2012.

Can you tell that I started to switch from photoshoots by myself to photoshoots with others? This was from a photoshoot with two of my best friends. Taken October 20th, 2012.

I took an art class in grade 12 and for my surrealism project I wanted to do something like this, so I did an impromptu photoshoot in my room to show my teacher what I was thinking of. Taken November 7th, 2012.

I took an art class in grade 12 and for my surrealism project I wanted to do something like this, so I did an impromptu photoshoot in my room to show my teacher what I was thinking of doing. Taken November 7th, 2012.

Random little selfie from a day where I decided to take some pictures, mostly of my cats though. Taken February 11th, 2013.

Random little selfie from a day where I decided to take some pictures, mostly of my cats though. Taken February 11th, 2013.

This picture with my aunt's adorable dog is from the first photoshoot that I did for this blog! Taken August 1st, 2013.

This picture with my aunt’s adorable dog is from the first photoshoot that I did for this blog! Taken August 1st, 2013.

Another shot from a photoshoot for my blog! This one was for my 5WTW: Chiffon Shirt post. Taken on March 21st, 2014.

Another shot from a photoshoot for my blog! This one was for my 5WTW: Chiffon Shirt post. Taken on March 21st, 2014.

Flash forward to the first day I tried out my new camera, on July 4th, 2014.

Flash forward to the first day I tried out my new camera, on July 4th, 2014.

XO Simytoe

Day at the beach / Playing with my new camera

Hey guys! So on Wednesday evening I took the bus to visit my best friend Megan for my days off, and despite the weather being a little cloudy and windy, we (along with Megan’s housemate) ended up going to the beach on Thursday! It ended up being a really lovely day, and since I had brought my new camera with me (it’s a Canon EOS 700D / T5i) I had the chance to play with it a little bit with some pretty models and nice scenery. I thought I’d share some of my favourite pictures with you guys, so enjoy :)

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Talk to you soon!

XO Simytoe

Some blog changes

Hey guys! For the past little while I’ve been feeling a little stuck with my blog. I’ve been pretty good with uploading twice a week, but writing blog posts has become a bit of a chore. I still enjoy being a part of the blogging community and interacting with other bloggers, but I feel like I’m a bit lost when it comes to what kind of content I want to be putting out. I do enjoy writing about beauty and fashion but I’ve realised that I don’t want to limit myself to those things. I started this blog last year as a way for me to get more practise writing, to write more consistently, and to have a place to write about things that I want.

So in keeping with these goals, there are going to be a few small changes on my blog. Instead of having two set days to upload posts, I’m going to set myself the goal of sitting down 2-3 times a week to just write whatever I want. At first I wanted to aim for posting something everyday, but I feel like that would be too much while working full time. I’m sure I’ll still post things like monthly favourites, hauls, and the like, but I think there’ll be more variety in my posts.

I also am getting more interested in making videos. I’ve now filmed, edited, and uploaded 4 videos for my blog (which you can check out at youtube.com/simytoe) and I’ve loved it! Plus I just bought myself a new camera, so you can expect some more video posts coming your way!

I hope you guys are okay with me making these changes, but I think that writing what I want to write instead of what I think others will want to read will culminate in better quality content.

XO Simytoe

5 Fav: Footwear

Hey guys! So the other week I started a new series on my blog called ‘5 Fav’ with my first post 5 Fav Handbags and now I’m back with my 5 Fav Footwear! I decided to make a video instead of just posting pictures for something different, so enjoy :)

I hope you like these video posts and if you do make sure to like or leave a comment so that I know!

XO Simytoe

 

A long story & a short list

Hey guys! Story time:

I have always, for as long as I can remember, loved notebooks. Notebooks, journals, notepads; little ones, big ones, sparkly ones, pretty ones, new ones, old ones. As a kid, there were fewer material possessions that I enjoyed more than notebooks and pockets. I guess you could say that I collected notebooks. Not like I had a collection of hundreds of notebooks or anything, but I think there are about 20-30 notebooks back in my parents house. Which doesn’t include the 13 that I brought with me to school. And yes, I did just count all of the notebooks in my room.

I guess it makes sense that someone who loves writing and who loves writing things down and who loves making lists would also love notebooks. I also like being organized and neat, so of course I can’t just have one notebook for everything, no, I need separate notebooks for different things. I have one for my budget, one for my more creative things, one for things related to a story that I haven’t touched for over a year, one for exercise related things (that I barely use), one for everyday use, and a bunch of empty ones. Anyways, my point is that I have a lot of notebooks in my life that, at various points in my life, I have written different things in. Out of the 13 that I have with me, there are about 4 that I use on a regular basis, two of which are little spiral bound notebooks that I got in France a few years ago. I like French notebooks because they’re lined differently – for example, these ones have graph-paper-like pages.

So I have a grey little grid notebook, and a blue one. Up until it ran out of pages a few months ago, I used my grey notebook for almost everything. To do lists, packing lists, notes from phone calls, blog post ideas, phone numbers, reminders, everything went into this little notebook. And then it ran out of pages. Which wasn’t a huge deal, because I had finished school by then and didn’t need to write so many things down, and I use my phone for most lists now. But today, when I went to plan out some outfits for my next 5WTW post (which will be coming in the next few weeks!), I decided that my phone would not do for this list, and thus I needed a notebook. So I grabbed my blue little grid notebook, which, as you can guess, originally had a different purpose than a catch-all for day to day use.

This little notebook had served a few different purposes. Back when I was in highschool I kept this notebook by my bedside, so it carries many of my late night thoughts or little rants that I would write while sitting on my bed. It also was where I wrote short progress reports for myself when I was participating in 2012 NaNoWriMo, to keep motivated. But the first 5 or so pages of this notebook are full of things that I’m thankful for. I guess, for some reason, in October 2012 I was inspired to write a daily list of 5 things that I was thankful for that day. I’m not sure what made me do this, or why I only did it between October 7th-21st, but it was interesting to stumble upon now, a year and a half later.

Wow that turned out to be a long story in what was meant to be a blog post of a list of 5 things, oops! But anyways, as a tribute to 17 year old me and the random project she did in October 2012, here is a list of 5 things that I’m thankful for today.

1. I am thankful that I am not working today. Days off are one of my favourite things because I have the time and energy to work on things that make me happy and that I do for myself, like writing & filming for my blog, figuring out my plans for next year, and watching tv.
2. I am thankful that I decided to take some time off from school. I’m still on all of the facebook groups for my program at school, and whenever I get notifications of people asking to switch their timetables around, or about paying enrolment fees, or about what electives to take next year, I just feel so happy and relieved that I’m not having to think about any of those things. Also I’m so, so, so excited for my trip to the UK in the fall! Props to past-me for making the tough, scary decision to drop out of school.
3. I am thankful that it’s summertime. When I went up to campus earlier today I went out in just shorts and a tank top because it was so warm out! I love the feeling of the sun on my skin (with sunscreen on, don’t worry) and the warm breeze that come with the summertime.
4. I am thankful that my camera cooperated today. A few weeks ago I tried filming a video for my blog but had a lot of difficulties with my camera draining batteries within less than 5 minutes of filming. But today I started charging my batteries as soon as I woke up, and miraculously one set of batteries lasted me the entire time that I was filming! Hooray!
5. I am thankful for my disappearing TARDIS mug. My brother got me a Doctor Who (one of my favourite tv shows) themed mug for my birthday last September, and it makes me so happy every time I use it. It has a TARDIS on one side of the mug that, when the mug is filled with hot liquid, disappears, only to reappear on the other side of the mug in a different setting. It’s magical and so cool and it makes drinking my tea 100% more awesome.

Well, there’s 5 things that I’m thankful for today, and a little story about why I decided to write about that today! I hope you’re all having a lovely day :)

XO Simytoe

Already halfway through 2014?!

Hey guys! The other day I came to the realization that June is almost over… which means that we’re almost halfway through 2014! Does anyone else feel like the first 6 months of the year go by way faster than the second half? I can hardly believe that it was 6 months ago that I was ringing in the new year with my friends in my hometown. For today’s blog post I want to do a bit of reflection on the past 6 months, and start thinking about what the next 6 months will hold for me.

2014 so far has been pretty eventful for me. I finished my first year of university, made some tough decisions regarding next year, moved out of residence, went on a road trip to America, and started my first real job. I think that my second semester of university was harder than my first – I had one class that I really disliked, the newness of university was wearing off, I started getting a bit bored with my 2 year-long courses, and I eventually had to start seriously thinking about whether or not I wanted to continue with my program. I decided to go into business because I didn’t really know what else to go into, and I thought that there was a serious chance that I might enjoy it. Turns out that I didn’t enjoy it as much as I hoped, and I found myself really dreading having to go through another year – let alone 3 – of not finding my classes interesting, of struggling to do my assignments, of not feeling connected with my classmates. After thinking about it for a while, I made the tough (and scary) decision to drop out of my program. 

Instead of continuing with a different program next year, I’ve decided to take some time off from school to get some ‘real world’ work experience, and to try to get a better feel of what sort of field I want to work in. I’ve never really known for sure what I want to do with my life, but hopefully if I take some time to explore some of my passions and see what kind of jobs I would or wouldn’t enjoy, then maybe I’ll have a better idea. I also want to incorporate some travel during my time off, so I’ve decided to go to the UK with a work visa! I really love the UK’s culture and history, and I’ve wanted to visit for a while, so I figured why not spend my year off there? I’m really excited to do some travelling not only in the UK but also around Europe, all while getting some work experience.

Speaking of work experience, I started my first ever job back in the beginning of May. I’ve been working full time for the past two months at a garden centre in the greenhouse, and it’s definitely been a learning experience! I’m not really interested in gardening or plants, but I thought that it would be a good summer job that would be interesting, and would also get me some experience with customer service. It’s a really physically demanding job, as I’m on my feet all day (working 9-10 hour shifts) and a lot of my job involved lifting and moving plants. I’ve also had to learn a lot about different plants and flowers, which has been interesting, and now if I ever need to plant my own garden, I think I’ll be set!

I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned so far has been simply the experience of working full time. After never having a part-time or summer job while in highschool, being thrust into the world of working full time was quite difficult for me. I’m so used to being able to do whatever I want, and to having a lot of free time, that it was quite an adjustment to having someone telling me what to do all day and to barely having any time to myself. Even now, my working days consist of waking up, getting ready for work, going to work, working, coming home from work, eating, showering, and going to bed. At first the long days were tiring, but my body has gotten used to it, and I’m not quite so exhausted every night :P Aside from things about different plants, I’ve also learned a lot about customer service, and working as an employee in general. Overall, I’m really glad that I’ve had this experience, even if I know that I don’t want to go into anything plant related. I’m still going to be working there until mid/end of August, although now that the garden centre is getting less busy, I probably won’t be working the full 5 days a week.

So that’s most of what has happened so far in 2014, now onto what will be happening for the rest of the year. As I mentioned above, I’ll still be working here in Toronto for the next two months, and then I’m planning on spending a few weeks back at home (to visit friends, bring all of my stuff back up there, and to pack) and then it’s off to the UK! Whenever I think of my upcoming trip, I get really really excited, and a bit nervous. I can’t wait to get to immerse myself in English culture, and to visit all of the castles and other historic places in the UK, and I think it’ll be a really great learning experience. But. I think it’ll be really scary and weird to not be going to school in September, and although the prospect of living & traveling on my own in a different country excites me, it also kind of scares me. Not to mention that I don’t really have a set plan once I actually get there, and am trying to have a ‘be open to different opportunities’ and ‘if things don’t work out it’ll be okay’ and ‘not everything has to be perfect’ sort of attitude, which is going to be tough for an organized, perfectionist, failure-is-not-an-option sort of girl like me.

But hey, scary is okay sometimes. The whole point of my trip is to get out of my comfort zone, to pursue some of my interests, and to learn more about myself and what I want to do with my life. And sometimes doing those things will lead to making mistakes and things not going according to plan and having to adapt to different situations. All of which are okay. After all, even if this whole trip goes horribly wrong, it’ll still be a learning experience, right?

So there’s kind of a life update / what has been happening in my life and what will be happening in my life in 2014. I think the beginning of 2014 has been pretty good for me – my life has taken some unexpected turns, but I think that the rest of my year is going to be even better because of them. How has your 2014 been so far? Tell me in the comments!

XO Simytoe

WOMN: watermelon inspired

Hey guys and happy Sunday! Today I’m going to do another what’s on my nails post, as I’m in love with my nails right now!

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I’m in love with all things watermelon, and since it’s starting to really feel like summer outside, I decided to paint my nails with a watermelon theme. I used Sally Hansen’s ** in ** for the green colour, and Sally Hansen’s Insta-Dri in Sonic Boom for the pink. For base coat I used Sally Hansen’s ** and for top coat I used Seche Vite’s top coat.

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I know that watermelon rinds aren’t actually lime green, and that it might’ve made more sense if I had done all pink and then green as the accent nail, but I felt that lime green was more summery so I decided to switch it up a bit.

What kinds of nail trends are you excited to try this summer? Tell me in the comments below!

XO Simytoe

5 Fav: Handbags

Hey guys! First of all I want to apologize for not posting in 2 weeks (eek!), I’ve just been super busy at work and haven’t really had the time/motivation/inspiration/energy to write up blog posts. However, I have decided to end my little unplanned hiatus today with a new series!

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I’m going to start a ‘5 Fav’ series, where I will show you my 5 favourite of fashion/beauty/lifestyle items. For my first post in the series I’m going to be showing you my 5 favourite handbags!

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1. Horse Tote

This tote has been my go to everyday bag since I got it in 2008. I bought it in a souvenir shop in Montana, USA when I was on a trip there. I love the horse design on it, and the fact that it’s a neutral colour means that it goes with everything. It’s nice and roomy too which is great for when I have to carry a lot of stuff! I seriously use this bag so often that my friends always tell me that I need to get a new bag :P

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2. Floral Crossbody

I bought this cute little crossbody from ASOS a few years ago and it’s been my other go to bag for when I don’t need my big tote bag. Although it’s small, this bag can fit my wallet, phone, keys, tissues, and lip chap (all of my essentials) so it’s perfect for little day trips or when I’m just running errands. The floral print is also super cute!

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3. White Leather Crossbody

My other crossbody was a gift from my relatives for my 18th birthday last year. It’s a white leather bag from Danier, and it has a really cute striped lining. It’s a bit longer than my floral crossbody so it can fit more stuff, and it also has a few pockets on the inside which is always nice. I like using this bag when I want to look a bit more classy or dressed up or if I just feel like switching up from my other 2 bags.

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4. Turquoise Shoulder Bag

I got this cute bag from Winners last summer because I really liked the mini-duffel-bag type style and I wanted a more structured style but couldn’t find one so I bought this one instead! I especially like the bright colour and that this bag is super roomy for all of my stuff!

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5. Neutral Structured Shoulder Bag

This is my newest favourite bag, as I only got it last fall. As I mentioned above I really like the look of structured handbags so last fall I was considering splurging on a designer bag. However, I then found this bag at Aldo on sale, so I decided to save some money and skip the designer bag idea. I really like how this bag is neutral but with the different colours it’s still interesting. It also fits a surprising amount of things (like a pair of heels, or 2 books) which, as you might be able to tell, is a mega bonus for me!

So there you have it – my 5 favourite handbags! Which of these is your favourite? Do you tend to stick towards smaller bags or bigger bags? I think I have a nice mix of different sizes, but I definitely tend towards bags that can carry a lot of stuff :P

XO Simytoe

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Book Review: Mind Games by Kiersten White

Hey guys! Today I’m going to write a quick little review of a book that I just finished reading – Mind Games (or Sister Assassin, as I’ve heard it’s called elsewhere) by Kiersten White. When I first started reading this … Continue reading